Monday, August 21, 2006
Beginnings . . . autobiographical introduction
C and I met in grad school at Michigan State University; she was working towards a Master’s degree in Student Affairs Administration, and I was earning a Master’s in French. We met through a mutual friend and began dating right away. Our relationship got serious quickly. Unfortunately, the joy we felt with having fallen in love was tainted when we registered officially as domestic partners after a year of being together. C’s job as a hall director was threatened when we formalized our union; although there were no official rules about who could or could not live with hall directors, she was told that unless I moved out, her position would be terminated. We were graduate students dependent on our measly stipends, and although we took all the legal measures available to us, C eventually decided to quit her job, three months before we were scheduled to graduate. On the day we moved out of our apartment, over 50 students and friends arrived dressed in black to assist our move in a form of protest against the administration’s homophobia. We moved in with one of C’s professors, a wonderful woman who has continued to inspire C as a mentor, and made plans to get out of Michigan as soon as we graduated.
That summer, C came to New York City to work at Barnard College where she had also worked the previous year. I accompanied a group of undergraduate students to France where they were doing a study abroad program. In France, I did not do much work or supervision of the students; I drank a lot of wine and e-mailed and phoned C constantly, trying to figure out what we were going to do when I returned. Although I had lived for France in a year as an undergraduate student, living in New York seemed intimidating and I had my doubts about being able to make it there. Money was very tight for both of us; C of course, hadn’t worked for a couple of months since she quit her job, and I was only getting room and board for my summer in France. We were resolutely independent and determined that we would make it somehow. I had been accepted to a PhD program in New York, where C had applied for several full-time positions. A week before my return to the States, she called me to let me know that a conservatory had all but promised her a position; she was supposed to hear from them by the following Thursday – the day my plane landed in Detroit. I was relieved; after all the worrying and stress about money and jobs, our luck seemed to be changing. I anticipated my return to Michigan; C was driving up to Detroit from New York to pick me up at the airport. I imagined walking off the plane, reuniting with C and she would cry out joyfully "I got the job!" and we’d celebrate, knowing that everything would be okay.
Unfortunately, when I returned, C had not yet heard from the conservatory. We spent a few days in Michigan, seeing friends and packing our belongings in the rented SUV. Despite having virtually no money and no jobs lined up for certain, we threw a barbecue for ourselves, a sort of farewell party with some friends. We picked up some food at the local grocery store, and as we drove towards C’s professor’s house to stop by and say hi, her cell phone rang. It was the conservatory. They offered her the position. I jumped out of the car, knowing that I would not be able to keep myself from screaming, and ran down the street towards the house of the professor we had been living with. She and her partner were home, repainting their basement; I told them the news, or rather, I screamed it at them, and they were genuinely happy for us. We finally had a reason to celebrate.
We settled in New York, got a dog, a little terrier-mix named Ruby, and C began her job at the conservatory. I began my PhD program and was given a teaching assistantship. Later, when the French instructor at the conservatory resigned, I began teaching there as well. We were paying off debts and enjoying New York. The conservatory did not offer domestic partner benefits when C began working there, so I did not have any health insurance. This did not concern me too much, as I have always been a healthy person and my school had a student health center. We were pleasantly surprised when soon after a meeting C had with Human Resources, the conservatory changed its policy to extend benefits to domestic partners. Unfortunately, the plan was too expensive for us to afford. We had registered as domestic partners as soon as we moved to New York, and when the mayor Jason West began to permit same-sex marriages in New Paltz, we signed up on the list right away. We got married the following summer, on July 10, 2004. We got the phone call inviting us to get married only a couple of weeks before the ceremony, and on such short notice the only people who came were my twin sister C’s mom and younger sister. Although I have sometimes regretted not having had a bigger ceremony with more friends and family present, it was the right thing for us to do at the time, and it was a memorable day. Twenty couples were getting married that day, and each couple took turns exchanging vows and rings; even though we only had three family members present, all of the other couples and their guests cheered us on and it felt as real as any wedding I have attended.
After two years at the conservatory, C got offered a position at a prestigious university. We moved to a very nice apartment on the upper west side, and for the first time since we’d been together, it felt like a permanent home to us. Her job includes domestic partner benefits, so I finally enjoy health insurance. It was wonderful being able to go to the dentist for the first time in years to get my teeth cleaned! We also joined a Unitarian church which has been a wonderful way for us to be part of a community here, and we have become full-on "church ladies," which makes me laugh as I never thought I’d describe myself that way. Although we had casually talked about having children "someday," we began talking about it more seriously. I wanted to be selfish and take a big vacation before having kids (we really had never been on a big vacation just the two of us where we weren’t visiting friends or family) so we went to Scotland in July and had an amazing time. That brings us to where we are today :)
That summer, C came to New York City to work at Barnard College where she had also worked the previous year. I accompanied a group of undergraduate students to France where they were doing a study abroad program. In France, I did not do much work or supervision of the students; I drank a lot of wine and e-mailed and phoned C constantly, trying to figure out what we were going to do when I returned. Although I had lived for France in a year as an undergraduate student, living in New York seemed intimidating and I had my doubts about being able to make it there. Money was very tight for both of us; C of course, hadn’t worked for a couple of months since she quit her job, and I was only getting room and board for my summer in France. We were resolutely independent and determined that we would make it somehow. I had been accepted to a PhD program in New York, where C had applied for several full-time positions. A week before my return to the States, she called me to let me know that a conservatory had all but promised her a position; she was supposed to hear from them by the following Thursday – the day my plane landed in Detroit. I was relieved; after all the worrying and stress about money and jobs, our luck seemed to be changing. I anticipated my return to Michigan; C was driving up to Detroit from New York to pick me up at the airport. I imagined walking off the plane, reuniting with C and she would cry out joyfully "I got the job!" and we’d celebrate, knowing that everything would be okay.
Unfortunately, when I returned, C had not yet heard from the conservatory. We spent a few days in Michigan, seeing friends and packing our belongings in the rented SUV. Despite having virtually no money and no jobs lined up for certain, we threw a barbecue for ourselves, a sort of farewell party with some friends. We picked up some food at the local grocery store, and as we drove towards C’s professor’s house to stop by and say hi, her cell phone rang. It was the conservatory. They offered her the position. I jumped out of the car, knowing that I would not be able to keep myself from screaming, and ran down the street towards the house of the professor we had been living with. She and her partner were home, repainting their basement; I told them the news, or rather, I screamed it at them, and they were genuinely happy for us. We finally had a reason to celebrate.
We settled in New York, got a dog, a little terrier-mix named Ruby, and C began her job at the conservatory. I began my PhD program and was given a teaching assistantship. Later, when the French instructor at the conservatory resigned, I began teaching there as well. We were paying off debts and enjoying New York. The conservatory did not offer domestic partner benefits when C began working there, so I did not have any health insurance. This did not concern me too much, as I have always been a healthy person and my school had a student health center. We were pleasantly surprised when soon after a meeting C had with Human Resources, the conservatory changed its policy to extend benefits to domestic partners. Unfortunately, the plan was too expensive for us to afford. We had registered as domestic partners as soon as we moved to New York, and when the mayor Jason West began to permit same-sex marriages in New Paltz, we signed up on the list right away. We got married the following summer, on July 10, 2004. We got the phone call inviting us to get married only a couple of weeks before the ceremony, and on such short notice the only people who came were my twin sister C’s mom and younger sister. Although I have sometimes regretted not having had a bigger ceremony with more friends and family present, it was the right thing for us to do at the time, and it was a memorable day. Twenty couples were getting married that day, and each couple took turns exchanging vows and rings; even though we only had three family members present, all of the other couples and their guests cheered us on and it felt as real as any wedding I have attended.
After two years at the conservatory, C got offered a position at a prestigious university. We moved to a very nice apartment on the upper west side, and for the first time since we’d been together, it felt like a permanent home to us. Her job includes domestic partner benefits, so I finally enjoy health insurance. It was wonderful being able to go to the dentist for the first time in years to get my teeth cleaned! We also joined a Unitarian church which has been a wonderful way for us to be part of a community here, and we have become full-on "church ladies," which makes me laugh as I never thought I’d describe myself that way. Although we had casually talked about having children "someday," we began talking about it more seriously. I wanted to be selfish and take a big vacation before having kids (we really had never been on a big vacation just the two of us where we weren’t visiting friends or family) so we went to Scotland in July and had an amazing time. That brings us to where we are today :)
# posted by RebeccaL-O @ 4:53 PM 
